What Should Happen To Dick Cheney?

The most frequent water-cooler comment I have heard is that whatever would happen to the likes of you and me, that’s what should happen to Dick Cheney. That makes intuitive sense to most Americans, who consider that in an egalitarian society, the politically powerful should not have privileges denied the common man. So I imagined what would be the situation if this had happened to me? What could I expect the long arm of the law to impose upon me for a hunting accident which resulted in injury? I have the following recommendations.

Cheney’s driver’s license should be suspended indefinitely, and at a minimum, he should be forbidden to drive after dark on Chappaquiddick Island.

For obstructing the FBI investigation into the circumstances surrounding Mr. Foster’s death by blocking access to Foster’s office for several hours, I think an obstruction of justice charge against Cheney should be looked into.

For the campaign contributions from Abramoff clients the day before important votes and the similar coincidences of personal intervention by Cheney on those clients’ behalf, he should be temporarily relieved of his duties as Senate Minority Leader until an investigation clears him.

Cheney’s speeches in Saudi Arabia and elsewhere in the world during the Clinton Administration, in which he open criticised the president’s policies, might leave him open to a maximum charge of treason. Certainly his ability to travel abroad should be curtailed.

Cheney’s conviction for misuse of government documents by hiding them in his socks and pants to take them home, and their subsequent destruction, has already been dealt with, though to my mind, inadequately.

Cheney’s unwillingness to release his military records by signing Form 180 is not criminal, and no official action should be taken, but it would be nice if the press hounded him until he kept his promise.

The rape accusation is old, and should not be subject to any criminal penalties or further investigation. Other members of government, however, should apprise themselves of the available data and keep same in mind when making decisions about Cheney’s fitness.

Cheney’s business and investment history are very troubling, and the investigations into his real estate and cattle futures deals have been inadequate. That they are political old news does not impress me.